Below is a rough transcript of an interview that probably never occurred.

CHARLIE ROSE: So, tell me a bit about yourself. Describe yourself in one word.
KOHTA ASAKURA: First of all, thanks for having me on, Charlie. Secondly, I don't think I can give you a one word summation that explains who I am. I guess it's because I'm wordy. Or perhaps just defensive.

Let's go with defensive. Carter Anderson: "Defensive."
I'd have to agree then. By the way, my name is Kohta Asakura--

Ok, thanks Conan--
Not Conan either, Ko--

Tell us something about yourself.
Great segway... I'd have to say that I love film and art, especially visual art. I love writing and drawing as well. I used to be pretty good at baseball and basketball. I never really had the patience or discipline for sports not involving balls, or scoring points for that matter. Maybe it was a commitment thing... Or a lung capacity thing. I was fast, but I can't say I actually enjoyed running for sport.

That's terribly exciting. A true Renaissance Man. So, where does it begin, and where does it end?
I'm not sure I understand the question.

Of course not. Now, explain: What is behind those black-rimmed glasses?
Well, uh, I've had glasses since I was in third grade, so I have pretty terrible vision. I guess the fact that you're referencing the style of my optics means you think I'm some sort of artsy hipster, but let it be known that these thick black frames are really the only appropriate frames for my thick lenses. That's what my optometrist told me. It's my acute myopia.

Once again, Carter Anderson: "Defensive."
I guess "Consistent" might also apply, no?

Every great artist, past and present, has a vice. You're not great, but yet you have vices.
Well, I do have an obsession with caffeination; coffee, espresso drinks, and green tea especially, though that's a bit more mellow. I also love my New York Metropolitans.

You are quite possessive. Does that explain your lackluster social and love life?
Probably. Damn. I don't know, I used to be a pretty well-rounded kid, decent at basketball and baseball, played the saxophone for about 8 years, took advanced French for 11 years. I used to be fairly fluent en français. Did I mention I was on the NY State Private School All-Division Team in my sophomore year in high school?

(God interjects: "No one cares, Kohta.")

Well, you've given us no insight into who you are. Amazing.
Alright, I apologize. Um...

(Kohta afixes his black-rimmed glasses with his index finger)

I love art and I enjoy design; I think motion graphics, animation, and really, the whole time-based media and visual arts field is quite amazing. I grew up painting random still-lifes and New York Mets players, and drawing comic books. None of it really made sense, but, I mean, I love having my foot in those things. But really, at the heart of it all, they're all skills that I possess to some adaequate degree, but those aren't my talents per se. I don't consider myself a born designer, nor a painter, or illustrator, or animator, or editor. It's not who I am. I'd say if anything, because of my passion for film and the filmmaking process, I see myself as a writer and director, first and foremost.

Even saying that makes me cringe a bit, if only because it sounds terribly misguided or calculated.

Nothing quite like the struggling writer-director bleeding heart artist from Brooklyn. Blind ambition.
Does it count for something that I was born and raised in New York City? Queens, actually.

(Canned laughter)

That wasn't a joke... Wait, since when was there canned laughter on this program?
Oh, Conan, show business is like life: There's always an audience.

This version of Charlie Rose is probably just a self-projection of Kohta's insecurities. Kohta actually enjoys The Charlie Rose Show very much.

KOHTA ASAKURA
kohtaasakura@gmail.com // masterchef@kohtaskitchen.com
681 Manhattan Ave. 2R Brooklyn, NY 11222
(646) 620-5959
www.kohtaskitchen.com

EDUCATION

CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY PITTSBURGH, PA
COLLEGE OF FINE ARTS, SCHOOL OF ART
Bachelor of Fine Arts and Minor in Drama
Graduated with university and college honors
GPA 3.8, May 2006

NEW YORK UNIVERSITY NEW YORK, NY
TISCH SCHOOL OF THE ARTS, FILM AND TELEVISION
GPA 4.0, July 2005

EXPERIENCE

MULTIMEDIA SPECIALIST | NEW YORK, NY

SEPTEMBER 2006 - MAY 2008 | ZOOMA ZOOMA CORP.

Edited and archived directors cuts for commercials and music videos

Rebranded, redesigned and relaunched corporate identity (website, packaging, etc)

Wrote and produced pitches and presentations for clients and agencies

Recent clients include Nike, AT&T, Toyota, Target, Sony BMG

WRITER TOEFL | TOKYO, JAPAN

APRIL 2008 - PRESENT | WIT HOUSE

Wrote original material (scripts, scenarios, examples) used for Japanese/English TOEFL standardized tests

WEB DESIGNER VARIOUS | PITTSBURGH, PA - NEW YORK, NY

MAY 2008 - PRESENT | DW FILMS

Designed and maintained site for film, commercial, and music video producer, Dorothy Williams.

Her clients include, Nike, Clean and Clear, MTV, Sony, The Tribeca Film Festival

JANUARY 2008 - PRESENT | POV PRODUCTIONS

Designed and maintained site for film, commercial, and music video D.P./Cinematographer Ian Dudley.
MAY 2006 - PRESENT | NOYOCHO
Designed and maintained site for Noyocho, a sound engineering and venue managing company

VIDEO PRODUCER LUNAR GALA | PITTSBURGH, PA
JUNE 2004 - MAY 2005 | CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY
Co-ordinated facilities and equipment management with local A/V crews
Created original videos and sketches(skits) and official Lunar Gala 2005 DVD for campus community

ASSISTANT FESTIVAL COORDINATOR ASIAN CINEVISION | NEW YORK, NY
JUNE 2004 - JULY 2004 | ASIAN AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
Facilitated arrangements among filmakers, actors, guests, and festival directors

SELECTED FILMOGRAPHY

WRITER, DIRECTOR URBAN OUTFITTERS "INSPIRATION: INSTYLE" | NEW YORK, NY

JULY 2008 | URBAN OUTFITTERS

Wrote, directed, and animated two spot commercials for Urban Outfitters (Work In Progress)

WRITER "BREADCRUMBS" | NEW YORK, NY

APRIL 2008 | DIRECTED BY MIKE NICHOLS

Wrote original story for independent feature film directed by Mike Nichols

DIRECTOR, EDITOR, ANIMATOR SPOT SAVVY "BE SAVVY" | NEW YORK, NY

MARCH 2008 - PRESENT | PRODUCED BY SCOTT WHITNEY AND EDDIE STEPHENSON

Created two short web-based commercials and interstituals for the internet startup, Spot Savvy

DIRECTOR, EDITOR GLAAD.ORG "PSA STARRING ALAN CUMMING" | NEW YORK, NY

JANUARY 2008 | GLAAD.ORG | PRODUCED BY DOROTHY WILLIAMS

Directed film and theater actor/thespian Alan Cumming

Shot exteriors in the heart of SoHo, interior white-cycs in Brooklyn

Edited and created all visual effects

Premiered at the 28th Annual GLAAD MediaIMage Awards in New York - March 2008

Subsequent nationwide airings on television as a commercial, as well as screenings at other GLAAD sponsored events

ANIMATOR OPENING AND CLOSING SEQUENCE "AI" | NEW YORK, NY

DECEMBER 2007 | DIRECTED BY RAFFI ASDOURIAN

Animated opening and closing sequences for award-wining independent film, "Ai"

WRITER, DIRECTOR, EDITOR NEW ATLANTIC "COLD-HEARTED TOWN" | NEW YORK, NY

AUGUST 2007 | EYEBALL RECORDS | PRODUCED BY DOROTHY WILLIAMS

Wrote original treatment and directed the band over three days in the heart of Chelsea, NY

Edited and created all visual effects

Winner of Musiqtone.com's "Best Indie Music Video of the Year - 2007"

Selected as AOL.com's "Pop-Eater Music Video of the Day - November 12, 2007"

Selected as MySpace.com's "Featured Artist of the Day - October 24, 2007"

On rotation at MTV and Fuse TV networks

ACTOR ANIMAL COLLECTIVE "PEACEBONE" | NEW YORK, NY

JULY 2007 | WARP RECORDS | DIRECTED BY TIMOTHY SACCENTI

I was the big, awkward, pirate-head, jumpsuit monster

Selected as one of the "Top 50 Music Videos of 2007" by Pitchfork Media, probably because of my acting (or not)

ANIMATOR OPENING SEQUENCE "HALLOWEEN: THE SHAPE OF HORROR" | NEW YORK, NY

OCTOBER 2006 | TRANCAS INTERNATIONAL FILMS | DIRECTED BY ANTHONY MASI

Created opening sequence animation for the film

Screened nationwide at Regal Cinemas in conjunction with the 30th anniversary of the original "Halloween" film

ANIMATOR EUGENE ANDOLSEK DOCUMENTARY | PITTSBURGH, PA
JUNE 2006 - AUGUST 2006 | FLEMINGTON PICTURES LLC
Created animation for presentation at the film's Sundance Producer's Workshop

WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, EDITOR PLANET | PITTSBURGH, PA
JUNE 2005 - MAY 2006 | CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY

Winner of the Artistic Excellence Award at the Undergraduate Research Symposium

Screenplay supervision by director Jeff Stanzler and producer Karen Jaroneski
Raised over $10,000 for film production

CINEMATOGRAPHER, PRODUCER, EDITOR, VISUAL FX THE ROUTES OF WILDFLOWERS | PITTSBURGH, PA
SEPTEMBER 2005 - MAY 2006 | CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY

Selected and screened at 2007 Victorydance Film Festival

Winner of Drama/Comedy Group Ensemble Award at Victordance Film Festival

Executive Produced by Emmy Award-winning producer Shirley Saldamarco

Raised over $20,000 for film production

WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, EDITOR LOST SOLDIER | PITTSBURGH, PA
APRIL 2004 - JULY 2005 | PITTSBURGH FILMMAKERS
Selected and screened at 28th Asian American International Film Festival in New York City

HONORS AND GRANTS

Senior Leadership Award | May 2006
Artistic Excellence Award, Undergraduate Research Symposium | May 2006
John L. Porter Junior Art Award | May 2005
Small Undergraduate Research Grant | Spring 2006
Student Senate Special Allocation Fund, $1,050 | Spring 2006
College of Fine Arts, School of Art, $750 | Spring 2006
Dean of Student Affairs, $4,100, $500 | Fall 2005, Spring 2006

SKILLS

2D and 3D Media Skills: Painting, Printing, Sculpture, Installation
Screenwriting, Art History focused on Film Theory
Fluent in Japanese, Proficient in French and Spanish
Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, After Effects, Premiere, ImageReady, Autodesk Maya
Macromedia Flash, Dreamweaver, DVD Studio Pro, Final Cut Pro, Cinema 4D